s-t-r-e-s-s

I think I'm handling things so well, balancing it all so precisely and with such positive flexibility. And then something somewhat minor happens and I'm reduced to tears, and doubting everything. I don't know if I can keep this pace I've been keeping up. Not without sacrificing quality. I'm not sure I'm cut out for this whole management thing. I'm sick of not having a work space set up for me. I'm sick of finding out last minute about changes that involve my program. I'm sick of people getting aggressive with me. I'm sick of how much I have to do, and how much I have to be the trouble shooter. I'm sick of starting to think of people as being consumers - pushy, aggresive consumers.

And I really have been "sick." I've developed acid reflux in the last few weeks. The thing is, I keep thinking I can do all of this at the same time - the new job, my final year of my MA, the yoga teacher training, the infant massage certification. How, Lord, how? I don't see an end in sight. It just keeps being push, push, push, PUSH, PUSH, PUSH - from every direction. Even my friends are pressure for me now - pressure for me to hang out, call back, listen to, and describe my current state to. Things have got to change soon. And everytime someone asks me how I am, I seem to develop a temporary amnesia, and say I'm fine and that things are going great, but with some ups and downs. Which I do feel is true! Ahhh! I can't even know the truth of it!

I am going to start a blog about my delishious reading of I Peter, something I stupidly limit myself to savoring for just a few minutes of each day.