Fighting Flesh

Tonight I flinched when a date casually touched my back. I could potentially end this blog entry right now, because it's such a telling statement. By Christ's blood, what is going on with me? But instead I will elaborate.

I am not afraid of this man in any way, and he is going about things very casually - which I really appreciate, unlike the other controlling guy that forced me to have a "DTR" at the end of our second date, even though I said on the first date that I did not want there to be pressure. He actually said "I want to know how interested you are so that I know how much to INVEST in this relationship." You do not mix in financial metaphors with relationships - no, no, no. He is from another country though, so maybe I can forgive him on that. Actually I forgive him on all of it. I am so deeply unattracted to his tactics. Season's closing out early.

One thing is for darn sure though, we all give and take disappointment in our turn. We all take turns on both sides of that messy little coin. I just wish that I didn't feel like he was going to avoid church because of it. I'm fine with not being the right cup of tea for guys that have not reciporocated my feelings - yeah, it hurts - but praise God for using pain to show us our need for him. How much we learn from pain. How much I've learned from pain. So much to the point where the other day I actually felt a kinship, a brief moment of undersanding of the verse "therefore we rejoice in suffering..." Something was happening that was hurting, and I felt a brief knife of joy up my soul, knowing that God was bring attention and healing to this area of my life. I don't fear pain as much anymore, and I think this is a huge part of all the scripture I've been battering my brain with. Believe it, Amy, believe it!

Maybe I'll write a country song!