bad weather

As I was pulling out of the parking lot of the grocery store tonight, I looked out to the left and saw the uncertain light of a sunset fading without distinction behind the thick gathering clouds rolling in from the ocean. And instead of going home, I went left and headed out to Mt. Boney, the epicenter of newbury park's weather.

I love the feel of the land right before foul weather, but i sure didn't feel like hiking. I sat in the dirt lot outside the trailhead andl tried to talk myself out of needing to get out and hike along in my white Converse in such drab weather. But I still got out and immediately the smell of the mingling weather and land hit me. And almost instantly i was stilled inside: the cool wind bringing the rich, damp smell of earth as the clouds bore down on it, moist clouds hunching down on the wide open land that can do nothing to close in and protect itself from this invasion. Something about walking in the presence of this silent drama, feeling that this wind carries along two responses from the land: a fearful shuddering against these clouds bearing so harshly down on it, and a calm acceptance of its own deep power, it's ablitity to remain steady inspite of being so exposed.

I don't know if this is projection, but it is certainly calming. thrilling too. there's something to setting off into the coolness, the land darkening under thick clouds, and building up body heat against it, attaining a higher view. it instantly brings me back to my center. immediately I am sheared away to oneness with God, feeling a lump in my throat simply because I am so glad to be alone with him, finally alone with him, so glad to shed the weight of the world under his steady, cleansing presence. i wish i consistenly felt this grand simplicity when reading scripture.

which brings me around to the fact that lately I feel like there is something major missing in our relationships with God. and, after re-reading some passages in a book that is one of my favorites, i am reminded once again of the necessity of trials to the Christian experience; that the repetition of mistakes and bad habits are God's tool for bringing us closer to him. in order for us to be complete, not lacking in anything, we must see trials for their hidden value, which is to bring us on our knees in need before God. rejoicing in trials - i think its easy not to do but is so key to christian growth. there's a lot more to this, but i'm not going to get into it. actually, i'm going to go bake a cake.