THIS JUST LATELY

Alright. I finally did the little switchover to Google that was demanded of me for the last few weeks. Whatever.

LATELY,
I have really been fighting stray half-second moments of looking somewhat admiringly at a townhome or a small house with a nice, clean exterior. I don't want that in my heart. Yes, part of me wants to have my own living space and have things all personalized and streamlined. Show everyone my own unique take on living habitats: Show how tastefully (yet inexpensively) I can pick out stuff from Ikea and Pottery Barn and Marshalls (etc.) to create a grand artistic living experience, a flowing backdrop against which I live my life. Yeah, right. All this is ringing a little too cozy with the famed "American Dream." The world says I'm supposed to want that. Especially since I'm a woman. I don't want to desire a settled, tamed life. I still want to desire an unpredictable life. I hope I never desire the suburban dream, even if I paint it all up and make it charming. That's such a thing with our generation. We buy the standard suburban house and then we turn it into a shrine to our unique selves. How romantic. Maybe I'm just in a crummy mood.

LATELY,
I've been thinking I need to revise my statement on what I want to happen to my body in the event that I die, considering the last time I wrote on the subject I was an atheist. I still would prefer to be dropped in the ocean. I like the idea of it just being a body in a sheet, but if it needs to be a box, okay. And donating any organs possible is fine too. Even take my heart! Just so long as my mom and pop are okay with it.

LATELY,
The Lord keeps showing me all this hidden stuff in my heart and it's sort of a mix of being painful and sad. But I'm assuming that he's going to do something about it, and isn't just tormenting me for fun. I know my God. He loves me too much to let me settle for what I've been settling for.