christmas cheer

well, it has officially happened. i was seduced into looking at Christmas stuff by a very prominent display in Home Goods. A big Christmas cookie jar was the bait. Christmas is three months away, and the rest of my little errands suddenly also had the additional weight of keeping an eye open for Christmas gifts because maybe i could get ahead...space out the spending...not have such a hectic holiday season...get the perfect gift for everyone. EXACTLY what marketers are hoping that i will think when i see christmas stuff in october. I looked at cards, ornaments, dishes, little angel dolls. and now I feel like i've whored myself to american consumerism, even though i didn't buy anything.

i'm wondering how this christmas will be. when i see all the glitter and ribbon and wrapping paper i must admit i get a little excited. but it's quickly cooled by the commercial overkill, the financial extravagance so synonomous with the season. Last year I started out the countdown strong, but then tapped out early: I brought all of the Christmas decorations upstairs, started to unpack them... but then let it lie...and finally my little brother and mom took over. i used to love doing the decorating, but for the last two years now actually, the holiday joy has been wearing a little thin. i did still manage to find an inordinate amount of joy in wrapping presents. I love wrapping gifts.

I must say to that the last couple years i have been more on the side of thinking that everyday is holy, everyday we should be celebrating the birth and resurrection (blah, blah, blah i know. bah humbug too) and that it's kind of sham-ish to get so hyped up for one day. i suppose the year would be pretty boring without christmas, and the rhythm would be off, but i think i've been sort of thinking about it as a non-religious holiday the past couple years. just doing the deeds of the season without trying to tie them to the fact that Son of God was born to a woman in the form of a vulnerable baby. Oh, but i do love christmas songs. the old hymns that bleed theology. oh, oh, oh.

i just wish we still had the big family christmas nights. i'm used to my big immediate family, and extended family, and dearly loved grandparents. now everyone has passed on or moved on. they keep getting smaller and smaller as my family becomes more scattered. my littlest brother is deployed now and will be spending his first christmas away from the family on duty. my sister is staying back east with her husband, and my other brother will probably drive up for part of the night in between shifts at the Cheesecake Factory in SD, a place that no one should eat at because of their nazi-like policies about holiday time-off. maybe i'll take off for bermuda.

i am planning on trying to eat more dark chocolate so that i have energy to get through all the night festivities that happen with friends...be a bit more exciteable than the boring, backing-out-of-plans-last-minute girl that i have been of late... i'm relaunching myself out into society folks, starting tonight with a little trip to city walk, a place called Howl at the Moon.