east of eden

i should be going to bed. instead i will confess that i have been under the influence of the monstrous dark underbelly of East of Eden. Cathy sickened me. The death of Tom was wrenching, and I can still feel grief wrap around my heart for him. It was war finishing the book - but I knew I had to, and I went about it with a grim, determined mouthline. Stayed up late the last three nights just to finish it. And now I am done with his dark world of cold minds, a family broken by the loss of its patriarch, sons trying so desperately to please fathers and failing, the sad decline of the bodies of great men. Always there is the thread of the golden, glowing, innocent land of salinas. dark, dark.

This is not recommended reading if one is already ever so slightly depressed even before beginning the book. It gets its hooks in you and won't let up till you finish that final page, greet that last death.

perhaps i'm looking at it the wrong way - i was already feeling lowly for a couple weeks prior to reading it. but i went down deeper and lost something in the story line that i did not know i was losing until this morning, the ending behind me, i awoke to fresh morning, a light spirit, leftovers of a good dream leaving me desiring nothing but closing my eyes and stretching the very length of my body, and finding being in this body, in this bed, on this sunny morning a very good place to be. all with the lightness of being abundantly content. oh, the feel of resiliency. so refreshing after nursing sickness of soul. like that mythical lady who renews herself with the dawn - that was me this morning. all joy, and new and divine. thank you mr. steinbeck. i don't know what exactly you did, and i didn't like it very much, but it appears to have worked.