a new kiddo

I have recently welcomed a new little one into my primary group. He's a year old, and at the very height of stranger anxiety, so needless to say, he did not care for me much at first. After about two weeks now, he's liking me more, and seeks me out. He is pretty darn cute, this little asian J. thoroughly comforted by being held and cuddled, and does not much enjoy playing independently, a fact that will have to change. He's been held a lot at home and his motor skills are delayed. Nothing to worry about, but he needs floor time to practice.

It's interesting - right now were still at the beginning of forming this love bond, and the occurence of attachment and attunement is the very heart of what I study. Usually I am interacting with children who I am already strongly attached to - we love one another and communicate well, and enjoy each other. So, even though it has been tough helping a teary child who much prefers his mother, I am really trying to pay attention to how it feels to try to bond with a child who is resistent. Eventually I hope to be helping parent and at-risk children enjoy one another and form deep attachments, so I need to appreciate this experience.

There are other elements at work. Little J's family has a hard road ahead of them. His mom has shared with me that she has kidney cancer, and the survival rate is 35%. She found out shortly after she gave birth. I cannot imagine having a baby and contempating my mortality in the way she must be. All the saddness that must come with bonding with your baby under these circumstances. No wonder he's held so much. Part of me wonders if I am going to be a much bigger part of his life than I know. Wondering if he is going to come to depend on me in a deeper way because of the trauma that could occur early in his life. Am I going to be his consistency? I'm afraid.