monday tuesday wednesday...

Currently I am working Monday to Friday in an Infant room that is connected to a large, state-funded preschool. Though this is a bit of a sidestep since all my experience and schooling is with preschool age 3-5 year olds, it really is a wiser move than I thought. I would hate for anyone to think that my ovaries made this decision or that it is a not-so-subtle statement to the men that i seem to mostly not meet that i can't wait to pop out a kid and make cherry pies. i try to avoid telling people because i feel like there are such heavy stereotypes involved for a single girl in this profession. i generally say something like, 'i work with young children' or something vague like that. to girls too, because honestly if one year ago a girl told me that she did what i now do, i would totally roll my eyes and wouldn't stick around long enough to hear those white picket fence flower box beneath the kitchen window daydreams. i'll tell you what though - so far three attempts/offers to set me up with friends and sons from other teachers I work with. no kidding. i'm on my way to matrimony whether i like it or not as i am one of the only single girls at my job. either that or i'll be collecting some funny stories. personally i think that going out with friends and relations of coworkers is a potentially sticky situation. hmm. perhaps funny blogs about this at a later point. anyhow, working with infants (by this I mean 3 months to 2 years oldish) is not a misstep because it turns out that babies are not the boring creatures i ignorantly thought them to be. sure i thought they're cute, or rather, i should say a prescious, but you just can't read a book with them or carry a conversation like you can a preschooler. but i got a big surprise. it's wonderful work. i'll proably be at it for a year or so. it will be nice for the fall when i start my masters because there is no work to be done at home for working with this age, except for when portfolios are due. and i love them. It is giving me a solid sense of a month-by-month account of what is normal for the early years of human life. I now have a pretty good idea of what to expect out of a child of a certain age and size. As of now, my particular interest and hopefully my focus for my masters will be brain development. When I read my books and research on brain functions and structures, i now can put some very tangible experience alongside this information, which makes the brain info much more interesting, and interaction with the kids more itneresting. It's a good fit for now. Something I love about this field is that you get to have these loving, affectionate relationships with children and at the same time be studying the most complex mass of matter in the universe - matter that can actually contemplate its own workings. So now some particulars and disgusting details. There's usually about nine kids in the room and three primary teachers. Some of the kids walk easily, some can't roll over yet, some kids can sign (yes, american sign language signing like in Fockers) that they'd like more milk or food, some like to play guess what this cry means i need. so there is a pretty large developmental span in the room - lots of major milestones in rapid succession. I am a primary caregiver for three children. The first is a 10 month old boy who is wonderfully happy and loves to be held and kissed. He is very active until the bubbles are blown - and then there is an awed, observant stillness that comes over him as his eyes slowly track their flight and his hand reaches out to tenatively touch. he is in the room 5 days a week now. The second child is a 18 month old girl who loves to read and generally plays independently or with me. her language is really beginning to pick up. She is in the room two days a week. She is an only child with a very pregnant mom and doting grandparents. very intelligent, this one is. The third, and newest one, is a one year old who sucks his first two fingers the majority of any given day. After accomplishing small tasks he likes to smile and clap for himself. i of course join in. he is also there five days a week. These kids, and the others in the room are really a major part of my life. Sometimes they cry when i leave on my lunch break. Sometimes when someone else is holding them they reach out for me and cry out. I love there preference for me. I love how many times I need to hug them because they are being so loveable i just can't stand not to. i change lots of diapers too. and sometimes go home smelling of sour milk spit up. but what love i get to get and give!

my sweetie Paul sings so sweet

Here's a bit of Paul Simon to help me describe my thoughts lately - tonight as I was reading a bit of the highly therapeutic poetry of Wallace Stevens this familiar song came on and right as the notes began I felt a very comforting matching of me and this song. This song is so meanigful to me. I've long loved this song, but tonight it positively "popped" into full color and each and every image and word seemed essential and perfect, and the music and voice the perfect match. Once again. I find this a rather common occurence with good ol' Paul. If Paul Simon were young and unmarried, I would seriously consider becoming a roadie. The suspicious male friend who introduced me to him is long gone, but I have a feeling that I am going to have a life-long love affair with Paul Simon. So, live from "Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme" - ladies and gents Paul Simon, my aged and oblivious soul mate: "Through the corridors of sleep, through shadows dark and deep, my mind dances and leaps in confusion. I don't know what is real; I can't touch what I feel; so i hide behind the shield of my illusion. [So, I'll continue to continue, to pretend my life will never end and flowers never bend with the rainfall.] The mirror on my wall casts an image dark and small but I'm not sure at all it's my reflection. I'm blinded by the light of God and Truth and Right and I wander in the night without direction. [chorus] No matter if your born to play the king or pawn for the line is thinly drawn between joy and sorrow. So my fantasy becomes reality and I must be what I must be and face tomorrow. [chorus]"