Spinning Like a Top

There was an analogy in one of the yoga books on my required reading list that had a little metaphor in it that I am stealing to apply to my life. The metaphor was of a top (or the holistic human) spinning freely because every part of it (heart, mind, spirit, body) was all moving in the same direction with no resistence. I think I see a little of that in my life. I feel so lucky to be in a career and school-path that I can pour so much passion into daily. For the most part, I experience a supreme unity of employment, religious conviction, and education - all of it converging and moving in a unified direction. If only I could convince myself to be a good girl and find my rest and sanctuary in God instead of the TV and food when I am exhausted. Now then I'd really be efficient and spinning faster. Even the yoga and the shiatsu massage schooling that I want to go to - I see all of it as part of a unified life goal. I may get to the final goal (not sure what that is) a little slower because I am pursuing the physical/mental wellness stuff alongside the education/structural work with children and families, but I'll take it as it comes.

I wonder if this fervor will die out. I see my career purpose as running so deeply parallel to my spiritual purpose, that potentially a catastrophe in one arena could submerge the other. It's not a direct link, but it's pretty close. But honestly, I think that my summer of atheism has nullified my fear that one day i will look at a blade of grass too closely and my faith in God will fall away. The other day on a walk I sat under an oak tree and watched the lush spring grass blowing in the wind and was so overcome with thankfulness over the fact that when I see beauty, I know to praise God. So thankful that being aware of my nearness to God is so close to the surface. For some, there is just an empty vacuum behind nature's beauty, a false freedom chilly as wind on a snowy mountian. I just don't think that I will ever doubt God to that degree again. I think the Lord used it (or engineered it) to clear up all the lingering doubts and petty contentions that always caught in the back of my thinking.

Oh, spring is beautiful this year. You may hear more about the lushness of this grass, how the utter extravagance of its weight forces it to fold back to the earth, that raw green that the sun so easily illuminates from within. It will all too soon dry out and leave a pith of stringy fiber. I hope to make it to the upper meadow in the next couple days to see if it's gone green too.