finally getting around to this!

i can't vouch for content here - i'm pretty tired and slightly depressed (post-birthday blues). but, that's beside the point. the other day i had a brilliant idea for this blog - that it could be about the best part of my day or week. the beauty of this is two-fold - ideally, no writer's block because i will optimistically say that there is always good going on, and, that it is good practice to dwell on that good and share it. so here i go, but today was a pretty low-key day: the best part of today is...the cool night air after a summerishly hot day. all the windows are still wide open and it is still and calming. and it is making me realize that the day went by so fast, and with little distinction. i'm thinking about the hike i didn't end up taking, the friends i did not call back, and my avoidance of god. i think part of it is i got bogged down in old memories and old anniversaries of nothing that resurfaced last night when chatting with a friend, part of it was just the general saddness that seems to weigh too heavily lately, and for really no good reason. i think a lot of it can be attributed to hope deferred and feeling like i am stuck in the same spot, and now i'm weakened to the point where i don't have much will to seek out change. i think i need to travel, which is why i'm really hoping that next weekend i will be in yosemite, enjoying the cool rush of waterfalls early in the morning, a short walk from camp 4. i would love to lose myself for a while on the JMT and just be alone alone and regain some confidence in myself and find that peace where god's presence is touchable. i need a little fear to spur me on, a little self-reliance, and the soaring embrace of yosemite valley.
suprisingly, last wekend in palm springs i had a somewhat similar experience at an art gallery that i walked to in the morning. the curves, colors and running water drew me in, and there was so much beauty there that i eventually found myself in tears, and i walked out so energized and alert to beauty and detail around me. everything was so alive to me and i felt so peaceful and joyful. it was all very modern, and there was one piece i especially liked made of highly reflective polished silver - a big curvy clean-lined chunk of it with some interestingly aged copper covering some portions. you could not look at it without being part of it - there was my reflection wavering on the silver as i moved around it. and there was a special reminder there, that our response to being alive is our art, and that a life well lived is the highest art. this piece gave me a stark physical picture of this and i thank and praise the lord for this reminder of a forgotten staple realization of my undergrad humanities education. i had forgotten the power of art, and how much i need it. the part that made me tear up a bit was a piece depicting the sun breaking through the clouds - it was one of the last ones i looked at and i think it just fit my mood, made me hope that god was going to put me on the favored list again and start feeding me better food...
anyhow, that's my best for happy thoughts right now. by god's grace tomorrow will be better, and this will become a chronicle of a life taken captive to the spirit and joy of God once again. i hope that my roots are seeking deeper sources right now, even though it just feels like i'm sidelining it. cowabunga dudes.